The Usher caught the Garter

After a brief mid-afternoon shower, the evening became more serene and pleasant. My friend's wedding concluded smoothly as planned. The last few minutes at the church were spent for some quick snaps with the newlyweds. I was thrilled to be an Usher, more thrilled to be in a Tuxedo, even more thrilled to show my pictures to my friends and family. It was the turn for a picture with the Ushers and I promptly jumped in not trying to hide my anxiety. As quickly as the pictures were taken, we were "ushered" out of the church for the next wedding party to get ready. Man, the church was busy that Saturday.

There were two hours before the wedding dinner and reception at a nearby ballroom. My two friends and I quickly jumped out of our coats and tuxes to cool off from the hot Houston evening. Our large intestines were engulfing the smaller version. We rushed to our hotel, picked up my buddy's Hispanic date, who was in a hot purply maroon low cut evening gown. For a moment, we weren't hungry. But again, getting back to our senses, we grabbed a quick late lunch at 5:00pm at Masala Bowl only because she wanted to try Indian. After the quick naan and malaai kofta, we jumped back into the car and arrived at the ballroom and bored ourselves to death for the first hour when, unusually for that day, almost everything was going wrong. The DJ was screwing up the jukebox, slow numbers were fast and the quick numbers were dragging. Songs to the dad and daughter dance, bride and groom dance, groom and mother-in-law dance and every other dance was devastatingly boring. In an hour, the buffet was ready, the DJ was changed and people started enjoying the evening. After a quick taste of a limited vegetarian menu, I took the guts to talk to a girl I knew from my college town, whom I had met the previous day at the rehearsal dinner. She had promised to catch up on the wedding night. After a quick intro to her mom and dad, who is a pilot (superfluous data alert), I settled next to her and discussed our lives after College Station. After the quick catching up, I returned to my table occupied by four.

The dance floor was then opened up for everyone after picture-perfect dance performances by the bride, groom and their family. Couples walked in and started swaying to the gentle music, now better delivered by the new DJ. My friend moved into the crowd with his date. As my other friend and I were watching, something sprang into me and I walked across and asked her for a dance. I didn't have time to think what I just did. She graciously accepted and walked with me to the dance floor and we started swaying - not so graciously owing to my total lack of experience. I tried to keep a whispering conversation going.

"I am not a good dancer, hope thats OK" - I said sheepishly.
"Nay, thats alright, neither am I" - she said almost convincingly.
"The last time I danced was with the bride in her brother's wedding" - I recalled.
"Oh, I remember seeing you then, it has been quiet sometime, is it 3 years?"
"Almost".
Soon the music slowly mellowed out in the background. She said - "Thank you for the dance."
"Thank you for dancing with me" - I smiled humbly as she walked towards the direction of her parents.

I settled into my chair, my friend looking at me with a confused expression on his face. I just looked at him blankly and said, "How about something to drink?”. I headed towards the non-alcoholic fruit punch, while he still looking confused headed for the Sangria. Then, it was time for some toast. The three who delivered their speeches on the newlyweds were so different in their delivery. The first guy, the best man, delivered a funny and poetic piece. The maid of honor, the one I had danced with, delivered a heartfelt and very emotional monologue. The third guy, a common friend to the bride and the groom, did a quick and dirty impromptu that made the guests go wild in laughter.

Next was the bouquet throw by my bride friend. All the single girls gathered behind her back to catch the flowery bunch in high hopes of being the one to get married next. A funny and crowd-pulling tradition. I didn't bother to notice who caught it. It was my least of concerns as I had my eyes on my two buddies gulping shot after shot. 'Man, I am going to have an eventful night' - I thought to myself as I turned towards the dance floor. The bride had given way to the groom and he was pulling out a piece of cloth from her leg and waving it wildly as the DJ called in all single men to the stage. I had seen this once before, in her brother's wedding. It is a male version of the bouquet toss. I, accompanied with all the single men took the stage. I was on the far right on the stage.

The DJ counted to three –

"One, two, three..."
I was smart and didn't jump for it - I knew it was planned - the bride fooled almost everyone but me and a few not so sober single men.

"One, two, three..."
I jumped ahead like all, but this time - as the crowd burst into laughter, we were really fooled.

"One, two, three..."

Diving forward and towards my left, with my long, crooked and outstretched left hand, I tried to pluck it out of thin air. The Usher caught the Garter.